Greetings Drunkventurer! You may not know it yet, but you are about to embark on the single greatest experience of your lifetime. Without the slightest risk of overstatement, we can assure you that once this crawl is over, your life will be so complete, that you will struggle to find meaning in anything else.

The Crawl was created out of a deep passion for two things: getting wasted and enjoying the Jewel of Minnesota. To make the potentially daunting task of crawling a Mall that contains nearly 25 alcohol serving establishments, we created the world’s (probably) first ever Choose-Your-Own-Adventure bar crawl! 

It’s been a tough few years since The Crawl was last updated back in 2019. We have all lost a lot and the world has certainly changed…I am of course talking about the sad loss of so many fine drinking establishments at the Mall. Before you begin, please take a moment of silence to honor our fallen: 

• CMX Theater Bar: You may be gone, but at least B&B filled your void. RIP
• Hard Rock Café: Is it ironic that we will never see your sweater again? Probably not, but you will be missed as the best Crawl starting point there ever was. RIP
• 1st RND: The place that replaced Hard Rock didn’t even live to see it’s first crawl. So young, so sad. RIP
• Cantina #1: Where are people supposed to throw up at now? We’ll pour out a Familiar for you. RIP
• Dick’s Last Resort: You cut us off once. Good riddance dicks.
• GameWorks: You never made us feel bad for being so drunk around so many kids. Thank you. RIP
• Tony Roma’s: It’s been five long years, but the pain never seems to go away. You can almost still smell the fresh onion loafs and feel the coolness of the Bud Lights. Gone but NEVER forgotten. RIP

You were all (mostly) beloved and treasured members of The Crawl family and your memory will live on in our hearts. While moving on is never easy, luckily, we still have like 22 places to go get drunk at to dim the pain and raise our spirits!

But as always, drink “responsibly” or don’t. We don’t want to tell you how to live. But just an FYI there are plenty of Paul Blarts roaming the hallowed halls. Get drunk, get crazy, avoid mall jail, and make sure to spread the gospel of the Drunkventure.

-Luke D. Hallbeck, CEO